D-MER? I Hardly Know Her! Raising Awareness About Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex

It’s a topic that many people may not know exists, and understanding it can be crucial not only for those who face it, but also for their support systems.

D-MER is a condition where individuals experience feelings ranging from mild sadness and anxiety to unbearable distress right before milk is released/letdown during breastfeeding/chestfeeding. This reaction isn’t tied to someone’s mental health but rather a physiological response to the sudden release of the hormone prolactin.

Although D-MER is not commonly discussed, studies show that it affects approximately 5-10% of nursing individuals....That's like...A lot.

Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex often unfolds in distinct emotional phases. Just when you think you’ve settled into a comfortable nursing routine, a surge of emotional response, fleeting moments of relief, AND THEN ALL OVER AGAIN DEPENDING ON HOW MANY LETDOWNS YOU HAVE DURING A NURSING OR PUMPING SESSION.

My Personal Experience with D-MER

When I first began nursing, I was completely at odds with the nurturing experience I had expected. I did not understand the sudden shifts of DEEP grief i wAS FEELING.

I blamed myself for not being a good enough mothER. I could not put into words what was happening to me to the people around me. When i TRIED, THE RESPONSE WAS NOT WHAT i NEEDED. pEOPLE DIDN'T KNOW OR UNDERSTAND and while D-mer IS NOT a POSTPARTUM MOOD DISORDER, i BEGAN TO FALL INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION AS SHAME BECAME MY CONSTANT COMPANION.

As i CONTINUED TO STRUGGLE, I contacted my doctor and was lucky enough to have a practitioner aware of what D-MER IS AND THAT IT OFTEN(BUT NOT ALWAYS) PASSES AFTER A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

i STARTED RESEARCHING LIKE CRAZY(HELLO DR. GOOGLE)AND FOUND SUPPORT GROUPS AND BLOGS WITH OTHERS WHO HAD shared experiences. i WASN'T AWFUL OR A BAD PARENT OR UNGRATEFUL. iT GAVE ME HOPE AND I WANTED TO TRY TO CONTINUE NURSING.

 I learned to recognize the onset of feelings and acknowledged them without judgment.

A LOT OF TRIAL AND ERROR AND ADVICE LED ME TO PUMPING UNTIL MY D-MER PASSED. lETDOWN WITHOUT MY SON AT MY CHEST MADE MY SYMPTOMS LESS INTENSE.

Finding Support and Connection

Talk to Healthcare Providers

Consulting with lactation consultants or healthcare professionals is essential. Many healthcare providers may not be familiar with D-MER, so it’s useful to bring up detailed notes to help advocate for yourself.

Resources for Managing D-MER

1. Support Groups:

   Connecting with others who understand D-MER can provide comfort and validation. Support groups—online or in-person—allow individuals to share experiences, advice, and encouragement.

   
   

2. Counseling and Therapy: Speaking with a qualified mental health professional can help address feelings of anxiety and mood dips. They can also provide strategies tailored specifically for you.

   
   

3. Educational Websites: Websites like the “D-MER Alliance” provide comprehensive information about D-MER. You can read more here.

   
   

4. Books and Literature: There are multiple books on lactation that touch on the emotional aspects of the feeding journey.

   
   

5. Community Health Services: Many hospitals and clinics offer support groups or classes that include discussions about challenges, including emotional responses like D-MER.

   
   

Moving Forward with Hope

Living with D-MER can be challenging, but it's crucial to understand that relief is possible. Many breast/CHestfeeding people acknowledge that while their experiences were painful, they also fostered resilience. If you’re facing D-MER, know that your feelings are valid, and seeking support can help.

If you’re reading this and resonate with my experience, remember that you are deserving of understanding and care—both for yourself and your child.

raising awareness about Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex is a vital step in creating a supportive environment for others experiencing this, but it is no means your responsibility. By sharing experiences, educating ourselves, and fostering open conversations, we can help break the stigma surrounding this emotional response, but sometimes, we kind of just need to move on.

I hope my story inspires you to seek support, engage with others, and prioritize your emotional health during your lactation journey, whether that be internally, with others in group settings, or with your inner-circle at home.